I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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