My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
