Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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