This girl is more easily done than said...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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