not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
