You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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