I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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