I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
