So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
