Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
