Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
