Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Randomize
