Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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