Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
