i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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