Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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