so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
