There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
