I wanna passion pit in your ass
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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