I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
