Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
