When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
