so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
