Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
