he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
