i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
