dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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