11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
