I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
