Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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