you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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