The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
