When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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