I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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