Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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