I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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