I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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