If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
