Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
