Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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