i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
