my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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