is your mom at the bar?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
