Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
