until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
