This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
