He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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