Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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