Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
