So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
