So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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