So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
