i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
