aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
