I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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