Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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